Can't make this (stuff) up

[Vrede too]

:!:

[bannination]

Berlin airport terminal closes after sex toys mistaken for bomb

Berlin's Schönefeld Airport was partially closed on Wednesday after various sex toys were spotted on an X-ray machine by security personnel and mistaken for parts of a bomb.

They just wanted a closer look.

CNN reports that the items' owner, who was not present for his bag's initial inspection, was summoned by airport staff over a loudspeaker and the airport's D terminal was closed over the incident.

Would the owner of the suitcase with the bomb parts please come to the security office.

Various sex toys, including a vibrator, were mistaken for "suspicious content in a luggage piece," federal police told CNN.

Codpiece in the luggage piece?

The man was initially embarrassed by the predicament and was unwilling to explain the purpose of the devices for about an hour, CNN reported....

One by one, in detail. It's not rocket surgery, but I would still love to see the transcript.

Your fault for reminding me of this story.

I was standing in line at the one hour photo place a long long time ago. The mother and two little girls behind me were watching the prints as they moved along a conveyor to be dropped into a stack. It was quite a fascinating lesson for the girls as the mother sort of explained the process, until she looked the other way, they screamed for mommy and mommy looked back at the conveyor, now filled with every shot imaginable of a naked red headed man.
She screamed, pulled the girls away, the management covered the photos, the woman whirled around back and forth (maybe looking for assistance) until her mouth falls open and she begins screaming and pointing as the red headed man himself as he comes in the door, "It's you, it's him, there he is ...", she screams

Red left the store, I don't know if he picked up his photos.

Yeah, I went back in later to pick `em up.

[Leo Lyons]

In the U.S. you're allowed to transport them in checked or carry-on luggage. Just don't expect any privacy!

Toys (Adult)
Carry On Bags: Yes
Checked Bags: Yes

[bannination]

In the U.S. you're allowed to transport them in checked or carry-on luggage. Just don't expect any privacy!

Toys (Adult)
Carry On Bags: Yes
Checked Bags: Yes

Sounds like it would be a fun time to pass through the largest most embarrassing toy possible just to watch the reactions.

[GoCubsGo]

In the U.S. you're allowed to transport them in checked or carry-on luggage. Just don't expect any privacy!

Toys (Adult)
Carry On Bags: Yes
Checked Bags: Yes

Sounds like it would be a fun time to pass through the largest most embarrassing toy possible just to watch the reactions.

[Leo Lyons]

[Leo Lyons]

Can't make this (stuff) up

If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags and straws are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and ( buy groceries ) but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives F-16 fighter jets to crazy leaders — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Also, if your government believes that the way to make a school of unarmed children safe is to pass another law, this time with the illusion that three 10-round magazines in a rifle is safer than a 30-round magazine … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute", but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but your government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If your government believes that using steroids or other drugs will ruin your life, but throwing you in prison for years will not … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes” … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

[O Really]

Can you say "false equivalence"?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_equivalence

[Leo Lyons]

Can you say "false equivalence"?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_equivalence

"False equivalence is a logical fallacy in which two completely opposing arguments appear to be logically equivalent when in fact they are not.
This fallacy is categorized as a fallacy of inconsistency" --- that's a real tange tonguler!


Yes, but I still think it's funny, despite some truth in the statements. This has been attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, but that's not true either.

[billy.pilgrim]

Can't make this (stuff) up

If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags and straws are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and ( buy groceries ) but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives F-16 fighter jets to crazy leaders — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Also, if your government believes that the way to make a school of unarmed children safe is to pass another law, this time with the illusion that three 10-round magazines in a rifle is safer than a 30-round magazine … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute", but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but your government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If your government believes that using steroids or other drugs will ruin your life, but throwing you in prison for years will not … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes” … you might live in a country founded by geniuses and run by idiots.

Cute idiotic cut and paste, but shouldn't you attribute the author?

[Leo Lyons]

Cute idiotic cut and paste, but shouldn't you attribute the author?

Oops, my bad. I didn't proofread. Somehow this got left off:
"Often attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, but actually first published by Fritz Edmunds"

It's only idiotic because you didn't post it first.

[billy.pilgrim]

Cute idiotic cut and paste, but shouldn't you attribute the author?

Oops, my bad. I didn't proofread. Somehow this got left off:
"Often attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, but actually first published by Fritz Edmunds"

It's only idiotic because you didn't post it first.

I read 3 or 4 - just trash bumper sticker philosophy with about as much depth as the piece of paper they are printed on, but then, when the intent is to fool the stupid people into hurting themselves, they are quite effective

[Leo Lyons]

I read 3 or 4 - just trash bumper sticker philosophy with about as much depth as the piece of paper they are printed on, but then, when the intent is to fool the stupid people into hurting themselves, they are quite effective

Ummm, I think maybe you ought to read the rest of the "bumper sticker" philosophies, (although they aren't printed on paper)
So tell me, how are the words of those "philosophies" intended to "fool the stupid people into hurting themselves?" In what way would it hurt?

I find it hard to believe that even a Liberal can't agree with the majority of those statements. I don't consider myself fully Liberal or Conservative, but I agree with the statements; even if they were created as humor. Read them all.

[billy.pilgrim]

I read 3 or 4 - just trash bumper sticker philosophy with about as much depth as the piece of paper they are printed on, but then, when the intent is to fool the stupid people into hurting themselves, they are quite effective

Ummm, I think maybe you ought to read the rest of the "bumper sticker" philosophies, (although they aren't printed on paper)
So tell me, how are the words of those "philosophies" intended to "fool the stupid people into hurting themselves?" In what way would it hurt?

I find it hard to believe that even a Liberal can't agree with the majority of those statements. I don't consider myself fully Liberal or Conservative, but I agree with the statements; even if they were created as humor. Read them all.

me? a liberal?

I've never really considered myself a liberal. I do like the cutsie little bumper stickers paths to righteousness – that is, until I stop and think about how isolated and out of pace with reality they are – as well as so often in direct contradiction to each other, but I’ll play

You pick out 3 or 4 of your favorites and I’ll give them a look.

[O Really]

They're intended as "humour" only in the sense an editorial cartoon is. And, like editorial cartoons, they attempt to make a political point. Problem is, in many cases there's no real relation between the first given and the second. The first given also sometimes assumes something not necessarily true. Let's look at this one, for example:

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Each of those first events do usually require some sort of identification, but voting isn't free of identification, either. You have to register to vote, and to register you have to jump through some hoops and verify under penalty of perjury. Then, when you show up to vote, you have to state your name and address and must be on the voting list. Those advocating for "voter ID" are implying that just anyone can now walk into the polls and vote, no questions asked. Not true. So they're wanting an additional and specific ID, not directly related to voter registration simply to make it more difficult to vote. When you go to get that library book, you just show/use your library card. You don't have to show a specific government-issued photo ID along with it. If they really just wanted to address better identification at polls, why not just issue voter registration cards with a photo?

[Vrede too]

They're intended as "humour" only in the sense an editorial cartoon is. And, like editorial cartoons, they attempt to make a political point. Problem is, in many cases there's no real relation between the first given and the second. The first given also sometimes assumes something not necessarily true. Let's look at this one, for example:

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Each of those first events do usually require some sort of identification, but voting isn't free of identification, either. You have to register to vote, and to register you have to jump through some hoops and verify under penalty of perjury. Then, when you show up to vote, you have to state your name and address and must be on the voting list. Those advocating for "voter ID" are implying that just anyone can now walk into the polls and vote, no questions asked. Not true. So they're wanting an additional and specific ID, not directly related to voter registration simply to make it more difficult to vote. When you go to get that library book, you just show/use your library card. You don't have to show a specific government-issued photo ID along with it. If they really just wanted to address better identification at polls, why not just issue voter registration cards with a photo?

Plus, voting is a right guaranteed by the Constitution. None of those other things are.

Further, the stated justification of "voter fraud" is a lie, proved over and over. Instead, the intent is to make it more difficult for actual citizens to exercise their constitutional right.

[billy.pilgrim]

They're intended as "humour" only in the sense an editorial cartoon is. And, like editorial cartoons, they attempt to make a political point. Problem is, in many cases there's no real relation between the first given and the second. The first given also sometimes assumes something not necessarily true. Let's look at this one, for example:

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Each of those first events do usually require some sort of identification, but voting isn't free of identification, either. You have to register to vote, and to register you have to jump through some hoops and verify under penalty of perjury. Then, when you show up to vote, you have to state your name and address and must be on the voting list. Those advocating for "voter ID" are implying that just anyone can now walk into the polls and vote, no questions asked. Not true. So they're wanting an additional and specific ID, not directly related to voter registration simply to make it more difficult to vote. When you go to get that library book, you just show/use your library card. You don't have to show a specific government-issued photo ID along with it. If they really just wanted to address better identification at polls, why not just issue voter registration cards with a photo?

Plus, voting is a right guaranteed by the Constitution. None of those other things are.

Further, the stated justification of "voter fraud" is a lie, proved over and over. Instead, the intent is to make it more difficult for actual citizens to exercise their constitutional right.

intended as humor, yet believed as home spun philosophy - ol jeff is such a good ol redneck boy, I'm sure he wouldn't say something that isn't true. Besides, it's real similar to that email uncle fred sent that I had to send out to 10 people in 1 hour after opening so I wouldn't get bad luck.

[Vrede too]

intended as humor, yet believed as home spun philosophy - ol jeff is such a good ol redneck boy, I'm sure he wouldn't say something that isn't true. Besides, it's real similar to that email uncle fred sent that I had to send out to 10 people in 1 hour after opening so I wouldn't get bad luck.

Not Jeff Foxworthy, he's not that nasty.

A Country Founded by Geniuses, but Run by Idiots’ Quote
Did a list of 'A Country Founded by Geniuses but Run by Idiots' entries originate with comedian Jeff Foxworthy?

... However, othen than its basic “If you … you might be …” pattern that mimics Jeff Foxworthy’s popular “You might be a redneck” routines, this item bears little resemblance to anything produced by Foxworthy: his comedic material is typically affectionate and self-deprecating and involves poking fun at his own milieu; his brand of humor is much more apolitical and non-partisan than the list reproduced above. (Nonetheless, Jeff’s name has been falsely attached to other similar political pieces that have little in common with the tenor and substance of his comedy material.)

Jeff’s brother, Jay, confirmed for us that this material was not written by his sibling. The original compiler of this list appears to be Fritz Edmunds, who posted it to his “Politically True” blog back on 3 February 2013 (albeit with a disclaimer noting that “some of the ideas were from an e-mail that did not contain any copyright”)....

[Leo Lyons]

intended as humor, yet believed as home spun philosophy - ol jeff is such a good ol redneck boy, I'm sure he wouldn't say something that isn't true.
I think you missed: "Often attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, but actually first published by Fritz Edmunds"

Besides, it's real similar to that email uncle fred sent that I had to send out to 10 people in 1 hour after opening so I wouldn't get bad luck.
10!? .. dammit! I had to send out to 20 people! Damn your Uncle Fred anyway!

[Leo Lyons]

intended as humor, yet believed as home spun philosophy - ol jeff is such a good ol redneck boy, I'm sure he wouldn't say something that isn't true. Besides, it's real similar to that email uncle fred sent that I had to send out to 10 people in 1 hour after opening so I wouldn't get bad luck.

Not Jeff Foxworthy, he's not that nasty.
What I said. "Often attributed to Jeff Foxworthy, but actually first published by Fritz Edmunds"
If you wouldn't have had me so easily-uber (or uber-easily) ignored, you would have saved your breath.