The Religion Thread

[Guest]

haha! your reply is funny! thanks!
I'm not the reverend, but I'm going to reply to your questions just for shitz and giggles!

Dear Reverend,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your sermons, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Your friend is wrong on both counts. China is the correct neighboring nation. Chinese people were warmly accepted in the California area a few hundred years ago where they "volunteered" to perform much of our dirty work, such as laundry, mining, building railroads, etc.

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
Just confiscate her cell phone and she'll leave on her own. No guilt pangs.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
I wouldn't suggest sniffing either. Either there's an odor of Lysol, or you'll get the crap slapped out of you.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
Did you kill the bull first? Bull crap causes a stench. Size up your adversary, then make your own decision as to whether you're big enough to smite.

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
That one's open to debate. Nowadays, it depends on which day of the week your neighbor considers to be the Sabbath. The decision is not yours to make; not worth the effort; too much paperwork involved.

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees' of abomination?
Not that I know for certain, but I tend to think that eating raw oysters would be akin to giving a BJ;
both being an abomination of equal degree.

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
I think that would depend on which god would be yours. If you're half-blind, you may approach the
wrong altar; therefore it's best to play it safe...no wiggle room necessary.

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
Old age.

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
No sweat. That doesn't apply to today's footballs; you know, grace, synthetics, and all that.

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Do you know for sure he's your uncle? You would be in violation of that 'do not kill' thingy if he wasn't.
Getting the town together would be difficult because of conflicting work schedules and vacations. Best to just enjoy the fruits of his labor. As far as the wife is concerned, how do you know what kind of underwear she's wearing? (see #31 & #32)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you for your confidence. Being a Catholic priest has it's perks.

[rstrong]

"Jedi Knight" is the top minority religion in UK (after the big ones). I'm thinking of joining and asking for my turn to give invocation at some government meeting.

I answered "Jedi" on a census around a decade ago.

As it turns out, 21,000 Canadians put down their religion as "Jedi" on the 2001 census.

America has much the same culture and roughly ten times the population, so I expect about 210,000 Jedi in the country. But they may be losing members to the FSM.

[rstrong]

76 things banned in Leviticus

Inasmuch as you are a non-religious person, which of these do you find offensive to you?

I gave the entire list without comment.

You gave an edited list. It's interesting which rules you had no problem with, many of those rules punishable by death.

Did I say interesting? I meant sick.

[k9nanny]

I've always found it interesting that you may not prostitute your daughter, but nothing says you can't have sex with her (unless she's having her period). All varieties of familial combinations are listed while the father/daughter canoodling is not. o
OK...........

[Crock Hunter]

I've always found it interesting that you may not prostitute your daughter, but nothing says you can't have sex with her (unless she's having her period). All varieties of familial combinations are listed while the father/daughter canoodling is not. o
OK...........

Perhaps not condoned but certainly overlooked..

Genesis 19. . . .

30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.

38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.

YeeHaa . .. ..

[k9nanny]

I've always found it interesting that you may not prostitute your daughter, but nothing says you can't have sex with her (unless she's having her period). All varieties of familial combinations are listed while the father/daughter canoodling is not. o
OK...........

Perhaps not condoned but certainly overlooked..

Genesis 19. . . .

30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

And that was after he offered them to the mob outside his door.
Time to bring back the matriarchal religions.

[k9nanny]

Ye and verily we whilt all be mother______s in the eyes of the Lord.

You're a freak, aren't you sistah.

[Bungalow Bill]

These OT perves make The Hellfire Club look like a group of snow white lambs.

If the tents a rockin'
Don't come a knockin'.

[bannination]

The real "Ten Commandments"

In neither of these cases does the Bible refer to “commandments.” In the first instance, they are “words” which “God spake,” while the tablets contain “testimony.” It is only when Moses goes back for new tablets that we see the phrase “ten commandments” (Exodus 34:28). In an interesting turn of events, the commandments on these tablets are significantly different than the ten rules Moses recited for the people, meaning that either Moses’ memory is faulty or God changed his mind.

I. Thou shalt worship no other god.

II. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.

III. The feast of unleavened bread thou shalt keep.

IV. Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.

V. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest,
and the feast of ingathering at the year’s end.

VI. Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord God.

VII. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven.

VIII. Neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.

IX. The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God.

X. Thou shalt not seethe a kid [ie, a young goat] in his mother’s milk.

Source: http://www.disinfo.com/2010/02/the-ten- ... mandments/

[bannination]

The real "Ten Commandments"

...X. Thou shalt not seethe (cook) a kid [ie, a young goat] in his mother’s milk.

Good, I might become a Judeo-Christian then.

Does FSM prohibit cooking pasta in water that has cooked pasta before?

Luckily the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's main rule is rejection of dogma. I think you'll be ok!

For more information: http://www.venganza.org/about/

Just another reason why FSM makes sense, and other religions are fake.

[rstrong]

Orleans Parish School Board votes to ban creationism.

The policy says: "No history textbook shall be approved which has been adjusted in accordance with the state of Texas revisionist guidelines nor shall any science textbook be approved which presents creationism or intelligent design as science or scientific theories."

It stresses the separation of science and religious teachings:

"No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach any aspect of religious faith as science or in a science class. No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach creationism or intelligent design in classes designated as science classes."

[Bungalow Bill]

I'm surprised too. I thought they would have banned the teaching of evolution.

[Stinger]

Orleans Parish School Board votes to ban creationism.

The policy says: "No history textbook shall be approved which has been adjusted in accordance with the state of Texas revisionist guidelines nor shall any science textbook be approved which presents creationism or intelligent design as science or scientific theories."

It stresses the separation of science and religious teachings:

"No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach any aspect of religious faith as science or in a science class. No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach creationism or intelligent design in classes designated as science classes."

Is that real? Not Onion or anything?

Wow. That must be the only school district in the U.S. with enough balls to demand science be taught in science classes. The state government in Louisiana will probably figure out some way to prevent this heresy.

Bravo, Orleans Parish!!!!

[The Piper]

Orleans Parish School Board votes to ban creationism.

The policy says: "No history textbook shall be approved which has been adjusted in accordance with the state of Texas revisionist guidelines nor shall any science textbook be approved which presents creationism or intelligent design as science or scientific theories."

It stresses the separation of science and religious teachings:

"No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach any aspect of religious faith as science or in a science class. No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach creationism or intelligent design in classes designated as science classes."

Is that real? Not Onion or anything?

Wow. That must be the only school district in the U.S. with enough balls to demand science be taught in science classes. The state government in Louisiana will probably figure out some way to prevent this heresy.

Bravo, Orleans Parish!!!!

Sad.

[Stinger]

I'm surprised too. I thought they would have banned the teaching of evolution.

They've tried. Lord knows, they've tried.

It's a constant thread in the history of this drive to end public schools as we know them. Back in the late 80's - early 90's, Ralph Reed and the Moral Lobotomies tarted a Get-out-the-Disruption program aimed at destroying public education. They sent out packages on how to run stealth candidates for school boards and got churches to endorse their candidates in Church the Sunday before the elections on Tuesday.

If not for lawsuits over the churches' tax exempt status, they would still be doing it today.

The Ralph Reed group fanned the flames and pushed the fear buttons and is largely responsible for the sound-bite-jingoism of "librul educators" and all of the other ignorance and stupidity that attempts to blame teachers for the ills of society. You know, the kind of incredibly stupid stuff that Foolgle carries to the extreme.

They're still behind much of what passes for school "reform" -- i.e. charter schools, school vouchers, etc.

In Florida, the cowardly veto-proof Republican legislature tried to get a constitutional amendment passed by voters that would allow vouchers for any religious school. They could have passed it themselves, but they tried to back-door it by getting the voters to pass it. They tried to trick the voters by calling it the "Freedom of Religion" amendment. Had nothing to do with freedom of religion. It was intended to give state money to church schools with no accountability whatsoever. It just said religious schools, and said schools would not have to have certified teachers, take mandated state tests, evaluate teachers, etc.

Even Rick Scott, the worst governor in the country, said that any schools who took state money should be held accountable to the same standards as public schools (not consistent with Jeb Bush's playbook.).

It failed, in part, because some conservatives recognized that state money could end up going to a Muslim religious school. (I was planning on starting one if the amendment passed.)

So they're still in the game, bashing teachers, trying to get rid of evolution, trying to mandate the teaching of religious beliefs (intelligent design, creationism, etc.), trying to destroy public school in general.

There are more force involved in this insanity, including Obama and Arne Duncan, but the Gelicals, with their hatred of evolution and all things science, have been at it the longest.

[Stinger]

...

[rstrong]

Sad.

How so?

If that barrier between church and state - not to mention substantiation and evidence vs faith - is to be removed, would you object to the scientific method being mandatory teaching in the church?

[bannination]

[bannination]

Aw crap, looks like Jesus is coming back in 9 months.

[The Piper]

What stupidity and callousness.