Dumb headlines thread

[GoCubsGo]

Ahh, POOR air quality is even worse. Sorry for you.

Sadly, that wasn't even the worst of the headline.

[Vrede too]

"Air quality especially dangerous for the elderly children and others with respiratory issues."

Ahh, POOR air quality is even worse. Sorry for you.

Sadly, that wasn't even the worst of the headline.

For instance, the implication that all elderly children have respiratory issues.

[Vrede too]

Not a headline, but still. showtimes.com TV guide:

The Real West (2024)
9:00 PM ON HALLHD • TV-G • CC • DVS

A family vacation to a working Ranch introduces Professor Rebecca to Jake West. Rebecca is a widower chasing tenure and Jake is a handsome cowboy who never settled down.

Wait, Rebecca is trans? Damn, modern westerns sure are progressive.

[O Really]

"Hoda Kotb Says Daughter Haley, 8, Found Out She Had Breast Cancer by Reading Her Book"

Didn't know you could get breast cancer before you had breasts.

[Vrede too]

"Hoda Kotb Says Daughter Haley, 8, Found Out She Had Breast Cancer by Reading Her Book"

Didn't know you could get breast cancer before you had breasts.

You get it from reading a book.


Content not headline:

Jon Stewart rips Schumer over joke: ‘What the f‑‑‑ are you doing?’

... Stewart played a clip of Schumer’s remarks during “The Daily Show,” in which the lawmaker said, “Democrats are adamant that we must protect the health care of the American people.”

The comedian chimed in, “If you had stopped there, that would be great. But you’re going to keep talking, aren’t you?”

The recording of Schumer continued with footage of him next to Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.).

“New data came out today from KFF — and that is not Kentucky Fried French Fries, KFF,” Schumer said before gazing at Klobuchar.

“That’d be Kentucky French Fries, hmm?” the New York senator added, chuckling.

Stewart slammed him for the stale line.

“Who is that joke even for? Six-year-olds who watch C-SPAN? What the f‑‑‑ are you doing?” Stewart reamed.

“Chuck Schumer is a human flat tire. You just can’t, ‘Kentucky Fried French Fry.’” he said, doing an impression of the 74-year-old Democratic leader. “Look at Klobuchar! Poor Klobuchar.

“That is the face of someone who talked to their dad, who said, ‘Just please don’t do your Indian accent in the restaurant. That’s all I’m asking.’” ...

I can't know whether Schumer or Stewart ever elaborated, but The Hill reporter shouldn't have stopped there. I had to go to Wiki to figure out that KFF is the Kaiser Family Foundation.

[O Really]

"Wife of Matlock Star Booted from Show Over Alleged Sexual Assault Slams His Accuser Costar"

Nowhere close. On the "Matlock" show, "... David Del Rio was booted from the show following an alleged incident involving costar Leah Lewis on Paramount property"

The wife was not booted, the wife did not assault. She was just taking up for her husband on Insta.

[O Really]

"Reba McEntire reveals what Kelly Clarkson's ex-husband Brandon Blackstock was really like 2 months after death"

I'm guessing he was really like pretty much still dead.

[Vrede too]

"Reba McEntire reveals what Kelly Clarkson's ex-husband Brandon Blackstock was really like 2 months after death"

I'm guessing he was really like pretty much still dead.

Smellier, though.

This is a good one:

Texas Woman Accused of Mowing Down Man on First Date with Her Porsche Blamed Her Expensive Designer Heels

Were they on a first date together? This is what I assumed and I clicked to find out what he did to piss her off that much.
Was he on a first date with her Porsche?

Neither,

On the morning of April 19, 2023, Kristina Chambers, now 34, was allegedly driving her blue Porsche 911 Carrera at 70 mph when she struck Joseph McMullin, 33, as he was walking from a Houston donut shop with a woman on their first date, according to a news release from the Houston Police Department.

Whether a donut shop is a good choice for a first date is a topic for another time. His date didn't seem to mind:

McMullin was “a good guy taken too soon,” his date, Briana Iturrino, told Fox 26.

I also wondered if he might have pushed his date out of the way. Hero?

[O Really]

Older Adults Are Sharing The Common But Unique Experiences From Back In The Day That Younger Generations Will Never Live

"Common but unique"?? Seriously? Headline writer obviously doesn't know the meaning of either word. At least s/he didn't say "more unique."

[Vrede too]

Older Adults Are Sharing The Common But Unique Experiences From Back In The Day That Younger Generations Will Never Live

"Common but unique"?? Seriously? Headline writer obviously doesn't know the meaning of either word. At least s/he didn't say "more unique."

Does "That Younger Generations Will Never Live" need to be stated? I mean, duh. At least until we can time travel, that is.

[O Really]

[Country music star with stage 4 cancer shares important message on his fight with fans]

You'd think at this point in his fading life he wouldn't be fighting with his fans.

[O Really]

"Evacuation photos from Cuba show toads blocked by hurricane debris"

Oh no, not the toads!

[GoCubsGo]

"Evacuation photos from Cuba show toads blocked by hurricane debris"

Oh no, not the toads!

Commie toads.

[neoplacebo]

Toads are impassable.

[O Really]

Well, it's more than just a dumb headline, actually.

"Frank Sinatra's singing twin sisters end their lives together"

The Kessler twins — a German entertainer duo who became famous both in the US and throughout Europe beginning in the 1950s — have died at 89 after choosing to end their lives together. The performers, Alice and Ellen Kessler, both turned to assisted [self-murder] on Monday, according to the German publication Bild. The singing and dancing sisters reportedly died together in their home in Grünwald, near Munich. The Kessler twins once were known for making the rounds on American talk shows and performing with multi-hyphenate entertainment giants, including Frank Sinatra, Fred Astaire and Sammy Davis Jr., among other stars.

So they weren't really Frank Sinatra's sisters after all.
But even though every headline about their death includes "Frank Sinatra" we find that:

AI Overview

"There is no public record or evidence of Frank Sinatra performing with the Kessler Twins. Sinatra was primarily associated with American artists and performed at venues that hosted a different type of entertainer, while the Kessler Twins were popular European performers, particularly in Italy and Germany. "

Doesn't mean they were never ever on stage or in some event with Sinatra, but it would seem a passing occasion, certainly not like the twins regularly opened shows for him.