WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Bringing a tumultuous chapter of American history to an abrupt conclusion, Donald J. Trump and three of his adult children fled to Moscow in the early hours of Friday morning.
Accompanied by Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., Trump boarded a specially chartered Aeroflot plane to take him to his new home in Moscow, a nondescript apartment building that also houses the former N.S.A. employee Edward Snowden.
Trump reportedly was in a tremendous hurry to catch the plane and left behind only a one-sentence note, reading, “THERE WAS NO COLUSION [sic].”
At the White House, Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed that the Trump family had fled to Moscow, telling reporters, “The Trump family has not fled to Moscow.”
The arrangements for the Trumps’ exit were finalized last week in the one-on-one conversation between Trump and Vladimir Putin, in Helsinki, a translator who was present during the conversation has confirmed.
According to the translator, Trump told Putin, “We’ll move to Moscow as soon as Ivanka winds down her crappy company.”
Those who witnessed Trump’s departure indicated that his wife, Melania, did not board the Aeroflot plane with him, but saw him off at the airport with a cordial “Be best.”
Later that day, after I already knew the truth, I managed to get trapped alone in one of those self driving Tesla cars with Kellyanne Conway in the driver seat; I was in back. She kept on babbling about how much Donald had accomplished and how generally great he is, all the while drinking robust swigs of Grey Goose vodka right from the bottle. Meanwhile, the Tesla continued to gain speed with her paying homage to Trump and vodka and trusting in Tesla. She tossed me a chunk of Afghan hash she said she got from Cheney and his guys over there and between trying to light the hash and sneaking glances at the road ahead, I burned my eyebrows off and Kellyanne happened to have some alternative eyebrows. Damn, that was lucky.
Mr. Mulvaney-DO NOT have your name "engraved" on a desk plaque. Better to just use a piece of cardboard & a Magic Marker. Save some Taxpayer money, for when the NEXT Chief of Staff comes on board.
Mick Mulvaney, new chief of staff, once spoke the truth about trump. Don't expect anymore
I sure hope Trump has heard this ; love to have one of the reporters ask about it at a press conference .
Any bets on whether that will ever happen?
Well he wasn't wrong and working for him makes him no different.
Trump just tweeted that Mattis will be retiring come February.
Has turnover been this bad in past administrations?
This well oiled machine sure is leaky.
Turnover is much higher than in past administrations, not much of a surprise as sane people can only take so much.
WASHINGTON, Dec 20 (Reuters) - U.S. Defense Secretary Jim Mattis told President Donald Trump in his resignation letter on Thursday that he was leaving the administration so Trump could have a Pentagon chief with views "better aligned" with his own.
Translation:
We should work with and lead our allies, not whatever it is you've been doing.
Russian authoritarianism sucks, as does your unpatriotic cheerleading for it.
You are endangering America.
Your policies suck, I'm outta here.
Translation:
We should work with and lead our allies, not whatever it is you've been doing.
Russian authoritarianism sucks, as does your unpatriotic cheerleading for it.
You are endangering America.
Your policies suck, I'm outta here.
Wonder how this will resonate with the military. Supposedly, Mattis is highly respected. Mattis resigning and being critical of Trump (politely) in his resignation letter will surely have some sway on members of the military that also support Trump? Maybe not.
Seems like since the mid-terms, things have gone south FAST for Trump. Everything seems to finally be catching up to him.
Will be interesting and scary to see what the future holds with all of the adults like Mattis departing.
